Would it be selfish to say : "I found Love"...? I think not. I did find Love and I'm happy... More than that - I'm actaully glad to be alive... To feel... To know.. He makes me feel alive and worth something.... Everything I ever dreamed of is coming true... The way He puts his arms around me from behind while I'm cooking... The way He looks down at me... The way He breaths after we kiss... The way He gives me a hug just because He wants to.... The way He makes me smile... The way He tells me : "I Love You".... The way He touches me.. Gently.. Softly.. Feels like a butterfly is landing on my skin as gently and peacefully as it can... The way His fingers goes up and down my legs, sides, back.... The way His hot lips feel on my lips and body... The way we cuddle and snuggle before falling asleep with His hands wraped around me and His palms in mine... The way He smiles when He sees me coming His way... The way He tells me I look beautiful.... The texts I get... The attention.... The way He's changing me... All this and much more - from one person.... Unbelievable? Believe it. I mean.. Sure, it's still hard for me to realise that this is happening to me, but I'm getting use to it.. I'm really enjoying our moments even those when we fight... Usually of something I said... But hey, that's me - I'm used to saying stupid, like really stupid stuff.... But it doesn't matter how much I think I can't change... I want Him more.... I'll try my best to make the bad things go away... Because it's Love From The First Feel.... It's just too bad I sound more rational and sensible here.. Where all my writings are then when I actually talk... This will have to change... Somehow... I start realising that all what I ever wanted: a tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart, clever, sharp, big, strong guy, who makes me laugh, understands me, thinks I'm not just beautiful but hot and sexy too, who knows what to say to make me feel better or helps me realise how big of a fool I make out of myself by saying something stupid, who would want to help me change all those fears and complexes into something different, something better - is Him. The guy who despite my all warnings, problems and issues still wants to be with me - is Him. He is The One from my dreams... Plus He plays the sax, soooo I basically was inlove with Him the second He told me he plays the sax.... But it took me a long time to finally feel IT and say to Him : "I Love You"... And everytime he tells me that or I say it to him.... My heart just starts beeding, I feel butterflies in my stomach, a weird, but good feeling comes to my chest... And I never felt that way before... So. When you're not sure what you're feeling, it's probably something new... And one evening I thought about Him, I felt all of the "symptoms".... And that was the moment I got it... "This is It"... I have no other explanation and I don't need one.... I'm loved. And I have someone to love. That's all I need to know now... ;]

You know what. I was wrong. And I've never been more happy to be soooo wrong about myself... I know it hasn't been long enough, but I can't believe that this is really happening... I mean, I only dreamt about it in my dreams... I only had a microscopic hope for those dreams to come true and guess that was enough... It happened.. I finally got what I wanted.... It just happened.... Just like that.... Sure the road to it wasn't as easy as others, but I'm glad, cause now I know that if you really want something - you can work thru the knots.... I'm starting to get over myself... My fears, lack of self-confidence.... Of course I'm not doing it on my own, I get some help, even if the person doesn't help me on purpose... What can I say - I'm happy.. For the first time in the past years - I'm really happy to be alive... But there is just one thing I still can't figure out - Why I can so easily believe in something that is completely imaginary, like all events happen in my mind, but I just simply cannot believe in the reality around me... Maybe reality takes more time or maybe it's just me - hell knows.... I'm just trying to say - it's not easy to believe in something when it's finally happening for real and not in your mind for the first time in your life.... Things just started happening fast from the beginning... One minute I'm just having fun, fooling around and thinking : "what the hell, it's not like I'm gonna see these people any time soon, so I might just have some "extra fun" ", when the next - I have His arms around me, holding me... Talk about the irony of life or luck... I don't know which is it anymore....... I just know that stuff I dreamed about is happening and I'm feeling happy than ever. I deserve to smile and I am, I'm smiling now. .... But there's still one thing......... One word, four letters, one meaning... I'm still terrified of It.. I mean, I want That, but I.... I don't know if It can happen so fast.... I'm getting use to other things, but It......... I'm just so furious with myself that I can't make up my mind..... I know I'm pissing off my Best Friend with this Undecided Bullsh*t, but you know - when you face the situation for the first time in your life - you forget every scenario you ever thought of.... BOOM - blank... Zero. Nada. Nothing. Just complete emptiness..... I usually get scared... This time wasn't any different... Don't know which part of my mind needs to fixed, but somethings wrong with me that's a fact..... Nothing more just "I'm sorry" came to mind.... Not because I was sorry for the other, unpleasent situation, well I was, but more than that - I was more sorry for not being able to find the right answer........ At that moment I failed............. Now I hope for another miracle which would bring some sence to my mind..........

Why can't things be easy in life?.... You meet someone, you like someone, you hang out with them - no presure, no strings attached, just freelove (like DM would say)............ Why I need to make things more difficult than they already are?.................. Why do I always have to be the one who messes up everything............... Why am I such a mess????????????..................................................... Why do I always have to start crying about everything?................................... Why am I always pretending that there is someone right infront of me, somebody with whom I am talking to, when I know there is nothing BUT AIR !?!?!??!
I'm insane.

Last night I was scared that I'll change, but this morning I realised that somethings just won't change... I always was too naive when it came or comes to good things.... I know it's too good to be true, but somewhere deep in my heart I still hope for it to be true... I'm weak - it's not a secret. I get addicted or attached to people or things too fast and then I simply shift into "Fear of loosing it" mode and just stop breathing.... I forget about other things... I start walking around absolutelly paranoid, seeing, imagining things that won't happen (which is not so "unusual" with me)..... I mean, a lot like this happened before and they all ended the same way - they simply ended... I lost every connection I once had, especially if I really really liked it.... I always do something to screw up everything.... Doesn't matter how bad I wanted it, I messed up every single time.... This time isn't any different.... I have what I always wanted and now I'm scared as hell to loose it................... Why can't I just enjoy what I have? Now? At this very momemt?.... I know why - I want, I need a guarantee that I'll still have all this tomorrow. Nothing good lasted long enough for me in my f*cked up life, so now I just grab on to anything that brings a smile to my face and try to hold on to it as long as possible, just like a man drowning tries to stay above water by grabbing anything in his way.....................

I asked for a sign, to show me if there is anyone who cares about me. Guess I got my answer. But of course as always I'm not so sure... As much as I try to make myself believe that I won't ever fall inlove or get involved in a relationship - I can't..... Everything would be a lot easier if I could just stay someplace dark and quiet, someplace where I could avoid Life, but we all know that's impossible. Well, it was an opportunity back There, but here .... HERE is different. A lot. Here - I don't want to hide anymore. Here - I want to live, have fun, move on, move forward, have a blast, feel tired, feel needed, wanted, feel everything, even if it means feeling pain.... I'm used to physical one. Partly mental.... But I didn't get hurt here.... The only place I got hurt is There, I was away from home for a day, I went back There just for a day and I got hurt 2 or 3 times...... I started missing home earlier than usually.... I started missing Somebody... My summer began very unusually (go figure): I went to a party, friends 18 B-day, (I still can't thank her enough for inviting me). And things started changing - Before the party, during it, and even more after.... Then was this "joke" with the horoscopes, mine said that I should accept changes and start building self confidence... I know this is true. But the "punchline" was the part where I realised that those "changes" were already happening... " Wtf? " - I mean c'mon, that can be a coincidence.... I'm not saying I believe in horoscopes or astronomy, I'm just saying it's weird - that's all... And it seriously freaked me out..... I'm not a huge fan of big changes (just remember "The Moving") and this hypothetical truth is scaring the hell out of me..... If it's true.... Than I don't know..... If I'll change, which is what I'm doing already, then that'll mean that I don't have anything left from what I used to know as solid and unbreakable truth.... Everything will be a whole different new life.... I know things have to and need to change, but I don't know if I can handle all of this and that, especially myself.... I'm afraid to change, I don't know what It'll do to me......

But now I'm even more afraid to lose Somebody..... Don't know how long this goodness will last, but either way - I enjoyed, I'm enjoying and I will enjoy every moment I can......... It's way too good to be real, but it is.....
I really like this, what is going on, please let me keep it....

What's the difference between Loosing your Mind and Falling Inlove?... - None.

The problem is - choosing... But how can there be a problem which guy to choose, when you know you can't have either one of them...

" This is so lame I can't believe I'm doing this, but I am, so... Since mostly life is online now, and there is this trend to "twit" or "post on your wall" nearly everything what happens, like "I broke a nail today, poor me, press LIKE if you feel the same way" or "O M G what a bitch she is" and stuff like that, I am using this to say how sorry I am for being me. Just, please, hear me out first, before saying anything. I know I look like a scarecrow most of the time with my hair all messed up, and the way I dress, talk and act, and the thing that bothers me - I don't actually look like that while I don't have to go anywhere, I believe a lot of girls has this problem, but anyway, sometimes I look like a freak or just weird, because It's who I am. Weird. Awkward and freaky... I walk fast, because I think time will go faster if I walk five steps instead of three. I pretend to be as cold as ice, because I think it's easier to live like that instead of getting hurt by someone you like or even love, I honestly don't know how it works, 'cause I never loved anyone yet, can't really say I'm hoping to, but who knows... I express my emotions with a bang when I'm in the mood, or not so much, and it does have consequences when exposed at the wrong time at the wrong place... I run down the stairs at school after the bell rings, 'cause I just want to get out of it as quickly as possible, usually for no reason, just an instinct I guess, from my old school.... I walk around looking like a zombie sometimes. And sometimes I just seem like an animal, whose been in a cage for too long, and wants to get out and feel free... But actually I do feel like that for real, not just seem like it.... I know I do stupid stuff, say things wich can and do hurt others, even if I don't mean it, or sometimes I just don't say enough, 'cause I think it's not worth saying, and it's not hard to imagine, that I regret afterwards, but those who know me, those few friends - they know it's who I am... I realise it's low saying this kind of things online, but I just want people to know this. I need people to know this. People who see me all the time at school, doesn't matter if they're hanging out with me or not, if they know me or not... I just need to say this, out loud, well, write it out loud, because I am sorry for living. I'm not miss popularity, I'm not miss Universe, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, I don't go out, I don't date, I don't communicate much, I don't live. And yet I am still sorry for living a life... I can't make up my mind if I do or don't care if anyone reads this piece of garbage, 'cause it's what this is, just like the rest of my sappy entries on my blog.... So.... Thank you and Good Night.... P.S. Sorry for everything I did wrong....... Later... " - I wrote this on my FB couple a weeks ago, and these are the words, wich inspired my friend to give me a strong speech about how and why I should stop feeling sorry for living.. I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing then, but I do now.. At least I'd like to think so... I received (finally) a letter from a friend - long time, no see, and yet I got it, at last. I wanted to read it as fast as I could so during the break between lesson, wich was long enough for me to get the letter, and come back - grabbed the keys from my mail box at the post office and just ran... I ran down the hill and my steps were so loud, that everybody knew I was coming, they looked at me and laughed, but I didn't care, the only thing I cared was the Letter, to get it as quick as possible.... And when I finally was holding it in my hands, without even opening it I felt so happy... I mean, when the past few weeks I wasn't doing so great, the letter was the best thing that happened to me during this time... I guess I can say that all of my troubles are just my imagination, and none of them are serious problems, but I just keep feeling like a total failure, and these small tasks wich keep on failing or going the wrong way just gets under my skin and sometimes I can't take it any more... That's when I explode... And like I said - it's not pretty... But nobody has a clue how satisfied to be alive and have friends I felt after reading the two last pages of the letter.... I am more than grateful to my friend, who didn't backed down on me and put a spark of optimism and hapiness into my smoldering fire wich was almost out. But thanks to Her, I felt so good, like I never felt in these past days.... I'm so lucky to have such friends... Sometimes I even think if I deserve them... "You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile"... So I think like that too... Hell I deserve to smile.... It's just too bad I don't do it often... Don't have a good reason why, most of the time, but today I smiled... It was a real smile... Been a while since the last time I felt a real one on my lips... Usually I just try my best to fake it so that no-one else could see when I'm seriously sad, but it doesn't trun out that way, usually... I just seem angry to others and that's all... But today was different.. I really felt a true smile... I was smiling... And didn't care what others thought about me, when they saw me sitting on the sidewalk with a pile of papers in my hand with hand written words all over them... Why should I care?.... I already care too much all the time, I'm always on my best behaviour, I help people more than they could get help (sometimes), I put others needs in front of mine most of my freaking time... So hell yeah, I think I deserve to smile and be a selfish bitch once in a while.... I got so sick and tired of being the good one all the time, it was really getting on my nervous and brains... Just one day, even one day I'd like to be taken care of... Get some guys attention, not because I know the answers, but just because... For no reason... Gifts, presents, surprises made without any reason are the best ones... Especially said sweet words about you or to you.... I read something so deep and yet so simple that I said to myself I'll hang those pages from the letter on my wall.... Those 12 reasons why I should not be sorry for living was just the thing I needed to feel alive for a sec.... And even the running had a different meaning afterwards... I felt so good after it I realised what I was missing all this time.. Feeling Free.. Unstoppable... Not caring about anything... I had too many arguements, too many times I felt like cr#p because of what others said to me or about me.... I felt like I was the bad guy all the time just by being the good one... Seriously - WTF?!?!?!?!........... Too bad the effect of the encouragement only lasted for so long... After I got home the attack of negative emotions were too powerful for me to fight back with that small spark, wich didn't have enough time to start a fire... I felt like I was trying to hold on to it with all my strenght, but something stronger kept pulling the spark out of my bleeding hands.... Until... I lost it... I just got tired of being on my own and by myself... Being alone....... I read it again, and I felt good - again... But it keeps fading away... It's strong, but not strong enough... Not yet.. I need more to keep me conected to life....

Sleep easy
xoxo Teja.....

Try to find someone decent on the "free internet" to talk to... You sit for 5 minutes and after looking around you realise that you're among imbeciles and only few people is worth chatting with... It hurts... But what hurts more - is realising that the Real ones - are all taken... Sucks, bites, blows, doesn't it ? Damn.. I'm such a mess...... No wonder I don't get the attention I desire.....

When People look at me they usually see anger... But I'm just sad... Sometimes when they are looking at me, they see me as an arrogant bitch because I don't make a single sound... But I'm just a quiet person... Most of the time anyway... Why ? Because I daydream at anytime and anywhere and at those moments I'm usually silent... Why ? Because My Dreams hurts less than The Reality around me... SO next time You see me "angry ar an arrogant bitch" - hold that thought for a sec., and please, think again before making a conclusion out of what you see and just ask : "What's up?" I'll be more than glad to answer : "Nothing much, just dreaming... How about you ?"

'My life is turning upside down, but somehow I managed to stay were I am, or at least turn just by a small small dial...' - That is how I describe changes in my life... Something strange has been going on since the New Year - go figure.... These past three months had been quite akward... The further is going this year - the more I'm believing that those wishes, wich my friends gave me on my 18th B-Day, are seriously coming true... I don't know who else to explane these things wich are happening... I'm not going to list them all here, but something strange in a good way is happening...

Like - I won two competitions I've entered in a row -- that had never happened before, well because I never entered anything before in my life... Next - I decide to go to the Nationals , about wich I have never even thought of participating in... But you know what - I actually enjoyed it, yeah, you can imagine my surprise.... Though I made a stupid, huge mistake... I should've done something the other way around, but I guess I'll just have to live with disappointment, heard it builds character..... So anyway, I got over my fears and took part in the National... Odd, but I managed to make some friends.... I even got a small award, wich I totally haven't expected... Though deep in my heart I was kinda hoping for a medal, a girl can dream, can't she?.... But on second thought - maybe it's just for the best... I had a wonderful opportunity to see the other side of the coin, I met people with similar ideas to mine and I now know what I'm capable of... SO I guess the saying - 'It's never too late' or 'Better late than never' really works for me at this point... I can't help not noticing how I was around other students, I mean, how there was this like a whole new side of me infront of them... Some things I said, I said them on purpose, but some came completely out of nowhere... I know I have this 'talent' but I never thought I could make it useful for me, maybe because I never tried it before... You know, just to let it out and see what happens... I'd really like to think that I CAN change and that I AM changing, I'd really like that, but still I could never allow myself the luxury of doing some things... Like I like to say - There are boundaries for everything and everyone... Though I absolutely must confess - I enjoyed this event more than I could've ever thought... I had fun - that's what matters to me the most... If I would've allowed myself to be draged into the fears cruel and cold arms - I'd probably would not be writing any of this right now... I'm more than glad that I faced this choas in my mind and won the battle...

'I'll see ya...'
Sleep easy
xoxo - T. ;]

How can you Love Someone when You Hate yourself?

Two Years.

16th - 19th Best Weekend Ever !! Thank You T. a lot for letting me spend those four days with you, thanks for taking care of me and having fun with me, taking me to see places I haven't saw, and thanks for being there for me... In other words - Just Thanks for everything, you have no idea how much it ment and means to me.... Sorry if I didn't show enough gratitude at the moment, but as I said, I don't really know how to show it, you know that, you were there... So, one more time - THANK YOU xoxo !!!

16th - 19th -- Four Days with one of my best friends.... Can it get any better? I not only got to stay at her place, see her, talk to her, have fun, but I also got to see the sea in Winter, got to walk around the Oldtown with the street light turned on when it's snowing while holding a hot cup of tea in my frozen hands and having a best friend walking with me right next to me.... I got to stay up real late and without any trouble get up in the afternoon, I mean, how cool is that ? Seriously, I couldn't think of a better way to spend, so called, The Long Weekend... And now the best part - The Dance. On my first day there, after a loooong and boooooring to death five hour trip by train, but I have to admit - It was worth it, every cent paid and every minute spent, it was definitely worth it. I guess you T. had to do something with what happend in the Club, I mean, seriously, nothing ever happens to me while I'm on my own, and on the first evening, night - to be exact, That happened... It must've been you, who brought me Good Luck, or at least lent some of it to me... Thanks T. xo.. So, as I was saying, on my first evening there we decided to go to the club, the entrance was free IF you had sunglasses, wich I did, but they weren't mine... Anyway, the next second we got ride of our coats and got to the dance floor, I just knew I'm not going to regret this after. I had so much fun dancing with you guys ! Thanks a lot for the opportunity to meet you... While I was dancing I didn't care about anything in the world, I didn't care about the way I looked, or how bad or good my moves were, I just cared about having fun and spending time with my old and new friends... If I can call you that ? Can I ? ... The music, the people, the dance was great, really, not to mention the cute guys all over the place.... For about three hours I was satisfied with what I had - a bunch of us and/or a few guys dancing with us four, but near the end something incredible happened... One of the guys that were dancing with us came towards me and the only thing I managed to realise that one second I was just moving by myself and the next - I was dancing with Somebody... And boy did we danced !!! I have never felt this tired when I got home... It felt like my entire skeleton was beaten so bad I wasn't going to be able to move, but everything was fine, almost, when I got up in the aftrenoon... It already was more than great to dance with Him as equals to each other while fast tracks were playing, so when the DJ turned a slow one I thought: 'It's over'... But to my surprise - He embraced me... I got so close to Him I felt His breathing and the heat, coming from Him... He asked my name, then told me I was a good dancer.. I said Thanks, I waited long to hear that... I have seriously no idea why I said that... I just said it... Guess I really have been waiting long enough to hear it... The best part in all of this - I can still feel His arms around me... That second when His hands slide across my back to hold me tighter... Or at least it's what I think, but I did feel them move... I still hear His voice in my head... I can still feel Him with my finger tips, when I stroke His neck and shoulders and put my hands on them... He seemed so simple and He was so real... More than just a couple of times we got so close I really thought Something's going to happen... A Kiss, I mean... I think I would not have mind it, but sadly nothing happened, maybe it's for the best... But His lips were so close... While He was holding me in his arms I had this feeling I never had before.. I felt so peaceful and calm.. And so strange, but in a good way... I can't come up with anything else just this - guess it's how people feel when they're loved... 'In just few hours I fell inlove, felt loved, and got my heart broken... Don't know if it's talent, but I'm gifted...' - my thoughts after I got home...
I just can't believe I won't ever see Him again....

Sometimes it's just worth taking the risk. I know that now. Well, maybe it took me long enough to realise it, but I'm sure I know that now. I always felt like there was something missing in me. Like there was a part of me locked up deep inside of me. The part that only showed when I was too lost or confused or just too bored... Even too tired to live, but not in a suicidal way, no, I'm too scared to be dead, that's all. Now I find myself actually willing to live... The Rebel in me. A Rebel, who is asleep most of the Time, but who wakes up just when things are begging to be done differently. This is the reason why I gave my gloves to a Stranger on New Year's Eve... And if I had doubts all my life , since the day I realised something was wrong between me and the world, now, I'd like to think like that, I really want to live. Keep moving forward. Go on. Step by step. I kinda see now it - finally - There's still hope for me... Maybe a microscopic one, but I still want a shot with it... A chance, I had to discover by moving across all the damned country and leaving everything I had behind me... Things change. Times change. People change. Looks change. Attitudes change. Jobs. Proffesions. Surroundings. Love. Hatred. Emotions. Feelings. Friends. Families... Everything changes... But somethings stays. Something always stays untouched. Like the Sun. Or the orbit of the Earth. Even though the Earth had evolved since the first living Dust. It hadn't changed it's movement trajectory. I know I have said many times before that I'm scared as Hell because things are changed fast and big, and I'm scared because I don't want them to happen, not at this rate... Maybe it's just a phase of optimism, maybe All Of This will be gone in the morning, but at the moment, at this very moment, I think these changes, wich are happening, I'm guessing even as I speak, are actually a good thing. I know I know. I'm being paradoxical yet again. But I just can't help it. It's in my nature to make a problem, solve it by myself, and then deny it, like it never happend... Wondering what could've possibly happend to make me change my mind? Good question. And I don't believe I have an answer... I have thoeries, hypotheses, fictions, guesses, wich need proof. And I don't have it. Not yet at least... I'm an idealist. What can I say. I want everything to perfect. I dream of a perfect guy. Of a perfect family. Love. Studies. Job. Life. Everything has to be perfect for me. And it is. In my daydreams... I have one enormous problem I can't deal with. ' I only Fell Love , when It's in my Dreams... ' And it's driving me crazyyyyyy....
Aaaaaaahhhhhhh...............

This week , on the 1st of February, I won 1st Place in the Region's English Olympiad. I still can't believe. I think I got lucky.. No matter how hard I try I just can't think of a reason: why I should start thinking better about myself... I just can't do it... I have no idea why...

There's always been something about me and Martial Arts... I was always fascinated by it's beauty, strenght, control... It has been my long long long time dream to attend Martial Art classes and now I'm living my dream. More than just living, I'm feeling it as well... Of course there's a guy involved in all of this. How else. But it's not the main point. He has influence on my actions, but the main reason I like my decision is because I saw an opened window, an opportunity, and I took it. These Self-Defense courses - A Dream Come True. Nobody even has a single clue how happy this makes me feel...

Speaking about guys - I almost fell inlove with one... He is a foreigner. A bit older than me. I haven't seen him. I haven't talked to him. I just wrote e-mails.. For a few days that was enough, just writing, communicating. It would've been enough even longer, if all of this was happining a few years back... Back than I was more than satisfied with a guy who just wants to talk to me... But now... I don't know. I guess I got tired of Cyber World. I can't seem to find pleasure in communicating withh people online... I got sick of the Cyber World. I want live action, live chats, live humans, people, live, live, live.... I am so sick of the internet and computers, I only want to watch movies when I turn on my PC... I want to interact with people, but I just can't stand even the idea of chats online... Maybe that's why I thought I was falling inlove with D. but all what it was - just a spark... It felt so good reading all that sweet stuff, not too sweet, but it was just the right thing for me. I mean, the guy even changed his nick online , just to 'surprise' me... I had fun. For a while, I have no regrets there. But I got tired waiting for an e-mail to pop on my screen... I want company Here and Now. ' I want it all. I want it all and I want it NOW ! '

It's been a while, how I am thinking about my purpose of Life. I think, my best Purpose of Life is Love. To Love and to Be Loved by one man... I consider myself One-Time only. I feel I can only love once in my lifetime. Like Wolves.... Yes, I'm being an Idealist , but on the other hand - A Spirit of the Wolf is living inside of me. Inside my Soul...

Sleep easy, xo xo T. ;]

Ain't it funny? Friday, 13th, and Full Moon... I'm not very good with math, but in this case, putting all those three things together suppose to be bad luck, like very bad luck. But strangly for me it was quite a fine day, despite that it suppose to be the worst day there can be... So, my question - am I suppose to think, that my luck has change? Or I just need to hold my breath for a while and it's just a phase and it'll pass ? I would really like to think that a small miracle has happend to me.. Why? Because it's giving me hope, that I'm not a total failure and that there's still a chance for me left... Today was good, almost great. But it's all there is. Just Today. And it already passed... Hek, I'm still happy... Guess at least till the morning I'll be satisfied with my Life, if I can call IT Life...

Sleep easy, xoxo T. ;]