Last night I was scared that I'll change, but this morning I realised that somethings just won't change... I always was too naive when it came or comes to good things.... I know it's too good to be true, but somewhere deep in my heart I still hope for it to be true... I'm weak - it's not a secret. I get addicted or attached to people or things too fast and then I simply shift into "Fear of loosing it" mode and just stop breathing.... I forget about other things... I start walking around absolutelly paranoid, seeing, imagining things that won't happen (which is not so "unusual" with me)..... I mean, a lot like this happened before and they all ended the same way - they simply ended... I lost every connection I once had, especially if I really really liked it.... I always do something to screw up everything.... Doesn't matter how bad I wanted it, I messed up every single time.... This time isn't any different.... I have what I always wanted and now I'm scared as hell to loose it................... Why can't I just enjoy what I have? Now? At this very momemt?.... I know why - I want, I need a guarantee that I'll still have all this tomorrow. Nothing good lasted long enough for me in my f*cked up life, so now I just grab on to anything that brings a smile to my face and try to hold on to it as long as possible, just like a man drowning tries to stay above water by grabbing anything in his way.....................