' I'm scared. Scared as Hell... Why? Because I feel anger,envy, pain... I feel like that because I know, there are people out there - in the World, Who can take care of their lives. Not like me. People need to know how to handle me because I can't tell you that. I don't know. I feel hate. Someone out there is living, having fun, adventure, while I'm sitting in my room and getting Texts' , saying how great they are all doing with out me. That hurts. It does. I'm scared to live because I don't know how. I don't. I'm afraid now because, NOW I understand how 'Time Flies' Seriously. I'm afraid to wake up after 20 years and realise I'm the same 'Couch Potato' like I were. Am. I'm afraid. And nobody knows this. They may know that I'm scared of living a life, but they don't know why. I don't know if there is anybody who I'd like to tell this. ' - '11.8.1

I'm sitting now, now, right now, at this very moment infront of my PC, with my Blog open up on the screen, listening to a song, one song, over and over again. I'm trying to remember what I wanted to write after all this time. BUT I CAN'T. I can't concentrate, because SOMEBODY in the other room is trying to explain me who some poor tourist survived in The Jungle. If I wouldn't have what to do at the moment, it would be interesting, but now it's annoying!!!!!

You have no idea about what, who, how, where, when and why I am able to fantasize. When I'm fantasizing, I make myself believe it's hapining here and now. I start to believe in it, like it was true, no matter how stupid the fantasy may seem. But one thing I just can't make true to me. How I'm actually doing something about what I've been thinking of doing. I just think of it. And that's it. Reality becomes my fantasies and illusion becomes my reality. And It scares me. Reality becomes to boring for me. It's a disease. I don't think anyone has a cure for this one.