I want to make a list of things I need to start doing in oder to change things around here. I just thought about how I'm making a promise to myself, how for every promise I make a mark, so I won't forget about it. I'm afraid that like all my 'reality-related' thoughts can be forgoten as quickly as it came. I don't expect you people to understand. I know it seems ridiculous - everything what I write here. But I'm not writing because I expect to be 'heard', 'understood' or 'answered'. I write because it's the only way for me to make my thoughts materialized. I think of so many things. Who doesn't. But Sometimes I wish someone was near me to ask me what I'm thinking of now. I'd gladly share it. I'm scared because some of them never gets the chance to be heard. Not even on a piece of paper. I'd tried that. I believe last summer I was writting here about a few letters with 'conffesions'. I don't believe it worked much for me, 'cause I took them back after a few days. There was no words in 'em, 'cause the Rain washed the ink away. Well I did ask for 'a sign' for a new start, though. But I didn't take the fainted paper as a sign, I was hoping for the letters to be gone. Guess it's my biggest problem - I hope for more than I get. I only gave myself one promise - I won't drink. No alcohol. I gave this promise before or after my birthday somewhere between Christmas and New Year, I don't remember the year. But I said to myself, that I won't ever drink. And successfully I've been keeping this promise for several years now. I'm going to be eighteen by the end of the year. I think this is quite an achievement. I think it takes something big to convince me to make changes. Nothing yet happened to make my change myself that much. I change hair, clothes, earings, glasses but not the attitude, manners or the tone of my voice when I speak. I can't understand why is it so hard for me just to make a list of things I need to change?... Because I don't like the word 'need to'. I want me to want to change because it's what I want, not because others think it's what I need. All I need is to be heard. I just want that somebody could know everything about me. One Person. That's all.

'All I want is Evrything,
Am I asking too much?
All I want is Everything,
Like the feel of Your Touch...'

Am I asking to much?
Yes.
Prove me wrong.