Wow.. Who's the genius that said life isn't a movie? I would like to his face now. And to think that I dream day and night all my life for something like this what she had. I'm so hopeless... I can't help myself. I need to do something, I have too much free time, and it's not right. I need to occupy my mind and stop this madness before it drives me insain once and for all... Guess it really is true about getting more out of fait when you don't expect anything from it. I need to do something. But I am. I'm learning spanish, well I'm at the least trying.. I don't know why I'm saying this, but I really need someone to be near me and to communicate and to keep me company while I'm doing something, like learning spanish or exercising... I'm so bored of being always by myself it really starts to get to your mind after a while...
That is when you start imagining things that will never ever happen. You start to imagen that life is a movie. That you can to something more than an average human could. You come up with an unknown person when you need to talk to somebody.

You're just looking at one spot an you see what you want to see.

Somebody you want to be with.
Somebody you want to talk to.
Somebody you want to love and to love you.
Somebody you want to say Those Words to you.
Somebody you want to feel butterflys in your stomach everytime his near you.
Somebody you want to know better than yourself, so you could feel useful at anytime he needs you.
Somebody you want to worry about at everytime he's not here with you.
Somebody you want to feel like your 5 again with a present in your hands at Christmas, everytime you meet each other.
Somebody you want to feel free to be yourself everytime he's around.
Somebody you want to smile everytime you think about.
Somebody you want to see a smile in his face everytime you show up.
Somebody you want to be there for you and just be.
Somebody you want to listen to at night and that he would listen to you too when you need him.
Somebody you want to trust and to trust you.
Somebody you want to show up in a blink of an eye when he hears you on the phone crying.
Somebody you want to hold you thight and let you cry.
Somebody you want to be next to you when you'll need a support.
Somebody you want to know that he'll wait for you.
Somebody you want to know he'll not even do everything I said here, but also just go shoping with you, help you at your home to throw a party, help you to buy a perfect present for your BFF, help you with any other problem you'll have.
Somebody you want to just be your friend and much more at the same time.

I don't count how many times I said something like this, and it doesn't matter how many times more I'll say this, nothing will change. 'Cause I know no-one will know this, no-one will know how I feel for real, no-one will know what's actually happing inside of my head, what I'm thinking, how I'm hanging, with whom I like to spend my time...
It hurts me. But maybe it's for the best. I mean, nobody will have to worry their minds about me, just like now nobody does.

Sadly it's my life and I'm living it.

Ofcourse there are good times as well, but they just end so quickly, I don't have enough time to enjoy them and to soak them up into me, so they could last more longer. I'm not saying I need attention 24/7 it's just I would like to have a bit more than I am now. True attention, not made up like the one my grandma gives. Just to hear that someone noticed me, how I look, feel, talk. Just a small word, sign would be enough.

Just like for now talking about my miserable life ;]

Till next ;]


xoxo Your Girl ;* ;]