Wow.. Who's the genius that said life isn't a movie? I would like to his face now. And to think that I dream day and night all my life for something like this what she had. I'm so hopeless... I can't help myself. I need to do something, I have too much free time, and it's not right. I need to occupy my mind and stop this madness before it drives me insain once and for all... Guess it really is true about getting more out of fait when you don't expect anything from it. I need to do something. But I am. I'm learning spanish, well I'm at the least trying.. I don't know why I'm saying this, but I really need someone to be near me and to communicate and to keep me company while I'm doing something, like learning spanish or exercising... I'm so bored of being always by myself it really starts to get to your mind after a while...
That is when you start imagining things that will never ever happen. You start to imagen that life is a movie. That you can to something more than an average human could. You come up with an unknown person when you need to talk to somebody.

You're just looking at one spot an you see what you want to see.

Somebody you want to be with.
Somebody you want to talk to.
Somebody you want to love and to love you.
Somebody you want to say Those Words to you.
Somebody you want to feel butterflys in your stomach everytime his near you.
Somebody you want to know better than yourself, so you could feel useful at anytime he needs you.
Somebody you want to worry about at everytime he's not here with you.
Somebody you want to feel like your 5 again with a present in your hands at Christmas, everytime you meet each other.
Somebody you want to feel free to be yourself everytime he's around.
Somebody you want to smile everytime you think about.
Somebody you want to see a smile in his face everytime you show up.
Somebody you want to be there for you and just be.
Somebody you want to listen to at night and that he would listen to you too when you need him.
Somebody you want to trust and to trust you.
Somebody you want to show up in a blink of an eye when he hears you on the phone crying.
Somebody you want to hold you thight and let you cry.
Somebody you want to be next to you when you'll need a support.
Somebody you want to know that he'll wait for you.
Somebody you want to know he'll not even do everything I said here, but also just go shoping with you, help you at your home to throw a party, help you to buy a perfect present for your BFF, help you with any other problem you'll have.
Somebody you want to just be your friend and much more at the same time.

I don't count how many times I said something like this, and it doesn't matter how many times more I'll say this, nothing will change. 'Cause I know no-one will know this, no-one will know how I feel for real, no-one will know what's actually happing inside of my head, what I'm thinking, how I'm hanging, with whom I like to spend my time...
It hurts me. But maybe it's for the best. I mean, nobody will have to worry their minds about me, just like now nobody does.

Sadly it's my life and I'm living it.

Ofcourse there are good times as well, but they just end so quickly, I don't have enough time to enjoy them and to soak them up into me, so they could last more longer. I'm not saying I need attention 24/7 it's just I would like to have a bit more than I am now. True attention, not made up like the one my grandma gives. Just to hear that someone noticed me, how I look, feel, talk. Just a small word, sign would be enough.

Just like for now talking about my miserable life ;]

Till next ;]


xoxo Your Girl ;* ;]

It's so weird. It is summer, The Summer, and , nothing new, I'm still doing the same - nothing. It's not how I was planing ... Or at least thinkin' .... I'm writing at night in the notebook but am it is not helping me at all. I miss him. Him too. The last night I was thinking how nice it would be to talk the whole night with him, like old times... Would be great to talk to him to. I miss him, he's like a brother to me, too bad he doesn't know that... Yet... It is so hard to be silent for so long but now it's even harder, 'cause it's summer... I'm writing the same crap everytime I've got a chance... My life is too boring...

Any ideas how to change it for a lonely 16 year old girl?....




xoxo Your Girl ;*




See you when I see you ;]

Thoughts blowing through my mind. Nobody talks to my. I'm loosing my mind because of the WorldCup, 'cause I can't see it. DAMN IT!!!!!! Spain lost first game, shit. Better Luck next time. One my best friend is out, again, I can't talk to him, 'cause I'm without connection. What else? The other one is going nutts' about the Prom and everything else.... And I'm bored to death. I'm crying at nights, I don't do sports, I don't learn Spanish, I don't do anything to be happy. Well there was an evening when we spend it before her flight the next day, I've had fun. But that's it. Yesterday I was here and The Familie were talking about their last Summer's vacation. They had so much fun and wonderfull time, that I'd almost started crying... I'm happy about me and my mom and our time when we have it, but that is just something behond me and my familie, that I would really like to have and can't. I just wish I could feel maybe even for once in my lifetime what kind of feeling is it. Would be nice.





Ok enough.

Have a great Summer ;]


xoxo Your Girl ;*


P.s. How's Tėja for ya? I kinda like it ;DDp

After 24 hours' I'm ganna be long gone. This is so strange, 'cause I don't know what the hell is going to happen this Summer, I mean, I ain't got no magic powers' to see into the future, but the thing is, this time is different, 'cause I'm not that sure how things could go... And it scears me ...



xoxo Your Girl ;*;P;D



Stay strong ....

I really regret the fact, that when I had so many different thoughts' I didn't write them down.... Now I don't know what to write about... And when I'll have, I won't be able to, 'cause I'm headin' out on tuesday... That means, no TV, no internet and definitely no shops to shop... And I still don't have what I wanted.... This sucks. We, me and my friend, were going to go to the Club and have some fun, I had the idea of staying at my place after the dance. But it didn't work out, why? Because her parents were against it. So much for having fun this friday... Today I had to go to my grandmother's place. No big. Just it was like always - stupid idea. She drowe me nuts after the second sentence. My mom suggests I leave on tuesday to the countryside and stay there untill the 28 June, then she'll pick me up and we'll go to the house by the lake, and have some fun there, with my sis, two uncles and some of thier friends... I actually like this idea. Next. After that I'll return to the village, probably, and remain there till the end of the summer. I wouldn't complain about it if it wasn't for the fact, that my one friend will be at England in that time, and the other one is graduated and she has the exams and everything else. So basically I'm screwed. Without them I don't have anything left to do. I mean. What? Stay in the city? Yeah right. Like I have activity here. It's too late for a Summer Camp, my other friends, I'm 100% sure, have their summer planed already. I'm the only one left. As usual. So there you go. I have nothing. And that's that, 'cause this is my life.





xoxo Your Girl ;*;P;D


Till someday

Second day of The Summer

And nothing new. As always.. Except for the fact that I'm finally free from that fu#kin' place you call school. Man it's a good felling to be out !!! 8) I'm sooo glad everything is over, well, almost. But still...

I gatta run now. See ya later



xoxo Your Girl ;* ;P ;D