I wish I could just cry 'till there's no strenght for me to breath... Please somebody tell me this ain't happening...

I know it's just me, but something is there that terrifies me. I'm scared to death. But why? I DON'T KNOW !! There is absolutely nothing to be afraid of... But that doesn't calm me down.

I'm sick and tired from packing stuff. Were're leaving on Thusday morning but my mom's just crazy about getting all the things packed 'till then. Seems to me she'd like to pack all our stuff and just wait untill it's time to go, and that would be about more than 48 hours. Nice.

I'm so envy of those who have The Will. You know? The strenght of doing everything THEY WANT. Why I'm such a mess. It's not fair. Or is it? I don't know. I don't know a fuckin' thing about what is happening. I only know how stupid, lonely, miserable, useless, faintless I am. That's it. Nothing more. I'm seriously insain.

Why you're always not there when I need you. Guess I just imagened that you care about me.

'Why so serious?...'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

Who's serious now?

While coming home from the store, I looked in the mirror. Guess what I saw? Total apathy. Nothing. Glassy look. Dead eyes. Empty face. Nothing - ME. I saw me. Without any intrest in myself or life or anything that was going around me. That's what I saw. Sad huh? Just like everything here. What is wrong with me? Huh? Who is that brave and stupid enough to tell me, who the Hell I am?

Sign ups here ----->>


Got back home, ended watching Charlie Bartlett, and baked some pancakes, wathced Valiant with mom, and the End.

I don't know why I said that.

When you're feeling like a big pail of crap, you want people to see that.

If I could see myself through someones elses eyes, I think I'd see miserable teenager, that's clearly not OKEY with her life. That's how I feel today.

I wish when people look at me, see my eyes, they'd see misery, lonlyness, sadness, madness, everything there is negative. They'd come up to me, take one look, and turn away from me. Leave me there. Let me be. When I disagree with something, and it still is the way I hate, don't botter me. Don't try and talk with me, 'cause then, nothing will happen.


Have a nice day ! - by shooting me

Hey! I know... You're not there now, you're always not there,anyway...Doesn't matter, long time we chat, maybe you'd like to again sometime? Well, you know, crazy, nonsense, just have some fun. Like the good old days. Give me a text

I was refering to my Sanity, but somebody else answered. Thank YOU!!

Not so verrryy long ago I wrote a "Wish List" - 15 things I'd like to do someday...

Couple days ago I was so sad about one person... I tried to seek truth in this world, but I guess I'll never know...

I'm kinda distracted now.. I'll be back later...

01:15

It's Friday. Summer. I'm alone with my dog at home. It's dark. I'm scared. I want to cry. Scream. Do something !! I went to get a drink. I took a flesh light with me to walk 3 meters do the kitchen. I grabed the drink and ran back to my bed. I'm sooo scared to be alone here. Nobody talks with me. I'm scared. Lonely. Sad....

I wish somebody would do something like Patrick for Kat in '10 Things I Hate About You' for me too...

Well... I can dream about it. Can't I? ;]

01:29

Life's not fair. Why? 'Cause it's just the way it is? Just because it's the way it is, doesn't mean it's the way it should be. It's not fair. It's not right. It's not how it suppose to be, but it still is. Why? Because God wants? I don't believe in him. Fate? Could be. But why? Just please somebody tell me, Why Life's Not Fair. Simple answer. No God. Please. If you have it, lets hear it. If no. Don't say anything. At all. Except, if you badly want, tell me, that I've Lost My Mind. 'Cause after you'll read this, you'll probably think I'm out of sanity, a psycho or something like it. If you want to see a real psycho, go to the mental or just watch American Psycho, now he's really crazy. Me? I'm just a Lost Soul, that's looking for some answers in meaning of life, if there is a meaning. One last thing. I promise. All of you that know me long enough, if you'll read this, you'll think "she's sooo pessimistic, as always, nothing new" Yes. I'm a pessimist and it's not a secret. But now. At this very moment I'm just sad. Don't interpret this as it's my life I'm talking about. 'Cause it's not. My life is at blogspot.com. I'm feeling sad for some people and I just want to know why this or that happend to them... So there...
Thank You and Good Night.