'I'm an alien, I'm a legal alien, I'm an Englishman in NewYork'...

Well I sure feel like a legal alien... I can't discribe or explaine my current condition.... The closest word would be - Lost... 'Lost Soul' - years ago It was my condition when I thought that no-one understands me.... But this time it's a bit different... I still think no-one understands me, but somehow I feel it's not like the last time... Back than I was depressed, now I'm not secure about what I want to do in life. What I want to study? What I whant to be? What kinda job I like.... And things like that.... But the point is - I don't think I want to study something, I don't think I want to work someplace..... I can't imagen myself living a social life... When people ask me about what I'm going to study, I often answer: 'I don't know', but one day I thought up a possible answer to this question, of course I only told it to my sister (she said it'll pass, but somehow I doubt it) and one of my friends (she as always made fun of me), the answer was something like this: 'I don't know, but I imagen myself studying something at evening lectures, afterwards going to a night job, maybe a bartender at a club or a waitress, something with a taste of a Nightlife, later getting back home early in the morning to get some sleep, waking up after 2pm in the noon and after having a satisfying breakfast and lunch at the same time, I think I would go shoping for food or just do something with my spare time till the lectures...' - That's who I imagen myself... I don't think it's stupid or reckless....


Next - I can't say how unspeakably I felt Friday night... I had a chance to feel, what it's like to sit on a man's laps... It's unspeakable... I can't discribe it.. I can't say what's it like to sit on your fathers laps, I can't say I remember sitting on my grandfrathers..... I was so enjoying it, that if I could've I would've stayed there, on his laps longer.... I realised what I was missing all those years.... I don't know what I could give to get a chance to do that again....


Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....................... I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it wrong for a Girl not to know what she wants?
Is it bad to think the one and say the other?
Is it a crime to hide the pain and put a mask with a smile on your face infront of your friends?
Is it wrong if you try not to make others worry?
Is it okey if you try not to hurt anyone?
Is it okey if you want something to be yours and only yours?
Is it wrong if you think it's better for you not to be involved in a relationship?
Is it illegal not to talk to anyone when you don't want to?
Is it against the law if you do something when you feel like it?
Is it an option if you refrain yourself from everything you desire?
Is it possible to reject everything and everyone all the time?
Is it madness to deny that you want, that you need warm and love?

....You tell me..

Moon's to die for Tonight....

I wish I was a Fish, so I could swim to the Deep.
I wish I was a Dish, so I could be Filled.
I wish I was a Bird, so I could Fly.
I wish I was a Wolf, so I could Cry.
I wish I was a Thing, so I could just Be.
I wish I was a Chair, so I could be Sat down to Rest.
I wish I was a Cat, so I could Walk.
I wish I was a Blank, so I could be Written.
I wish I was a Book, so I could be Red.
I wish I was a Cook, so I could cook.
I wish I was a Crook, so I could Steal.
I wish I was a Star, so I could Shine at the night.
I wish I was a Leaf, so I could Hang.
I wish I was a Pencil, so I could Write.
I wish I was a Brush, so I could Touch.
I wish I was a Rush, so I could be Felt.
I wish I was a Crush, so I could be Loved.
I wish I was a Hook, so I could be Hanged.
I wish I was a Ship, so I could Swim.
I wish I was a Plane, so I could be Flown.
I wish I was a Claim, so I could be Taken.
I wish I was a Train, so I could Move.
I wish I was a Way, so I could be Walked.
I wish I was a Sane, so I could be In.
I wish I was a Gift, so I could be Given.
I wish I was a Tree, so I could just Stand.
I wish I was a Light, so I could be Lighted.
I wish I was a Night, so I could Hang Over.
I wish I was a Cloud, so I could be up in the Sky.
I wish I was a Dime, so I could Bring Luck.
I wish I was a Breath, so I could be Breath In and Out.
I wish I was a Chaos, so I could be a Mix up.
I wish I was a Shake, so I could Wake up.
I wish I was a Snake, so I could Crawl.
I wish I was a Magic, so I could be a Miracle.
I wish I was a Rabbit, so I could be cute and cuddly.
I wish I was a Smile, so I could be Seen.
I wish I was a While, so I could Last.
I wish I was a Minute, so I could Tik Tok.
I wish I was a Blow, so I could Feel your skin.
I wish I was a Trust, so I could be True.
I wish I was a Need, so I could be Needed.
I wish I was a Sleep, so I could be Slept.
I wish I was a Cup, so I could be Drinked.
I wish I was a Drop, so I could Drop.
I wish I was a Rain, so I could Rain.
I wish I was a Tame, so I could be Tamed.
I wish I was a Wild, so I could be Wild.
I wish I was a Child, so I could be like a Trail.
I wish I was a Cry, so I could be Cried.
I wish I was a Try, so I could be Tried.
I wish I was a Howl, so I could be Howled.
I wish I was a Owl, so I could Howl.
I wish I was a Run, so I could be Run.
I wish I was a Stump, so I could be Stumped.
I wish I was a Walk, so I could be near you alone.
I wish I was a Clock, so I could Stop.
I wish I was a Lock, so I could Unlock.
I wish I was a Pinch, so I could Wake you up.
I wish I was a Hint, so I could be Found.
I wish I was a Sound, so I could be Heard.
I wish I was a Crowd, so I could be Around.
I wish I was a Noise, so I could Annoy.
I wish I was a Voice, so I could be Spoken.
I wish I was a Phone, so I could be Answered.
I wish I was a Stone, so I could Thrown.
I wish I was a Tide, so I could Rise.
I wish I was a Wide, so I could Rhymed.
I wish I was a Spark, so I could Sparkle.
I wish I was a Dark, so I could be Walked Into.
I wish I was a Grass, so I could Grow.
I wish I was a Word, so I could be Told.
I wish I was a Note, so I could be Written down.
I wish I was a Piece, so I could be Torn.
I wish I was a Dot, so I could be at the end.
I wish I was a Lot, so I could be More.
I wish I was a Small, so I could be One.
I wish I was a Push, so I could be Touched.
I wish I was a Pull, so I could be Pulled.
I wish I was a Door, so I could be Opened.
I wish I was a Floor, so I could be Stand on.
I wish I was a Fear, so I could be Faced.
I wish I was a Tear, so I could be Wipe Away.
I wish I was a String, so I could be Bound.
I wish I was a Drink, so I could be Poored.
I wish I was a Hate, so I could be Let Out.
I wish I was a Love, so I could be Let In.
I wish I was a Stream, so I could Flow.
I wish I was a Creek, so I could be Swum in.
I wish I was a Touch you feel.
I wish I was a Mess inside your Head.
I wish I was a Tack, so I could be your Guide.
I wish I was a Track you'd take.
I wish I was a Race you'd watch.
I wish I was a Morning when you sleep.
I wish I was a Space you look at.
I wish I was a Dream in your sleep.
I wish I was a Kick in the Target.
I wish I was a Hit, so I could be Hit.
I wish I was a Call, so I could be Called.
I wish I was a Doll, so I could be played with by a child.
I wish I was a Crawl, so I could be Crawled.
I wish I was a Jaw, so I could be used.
I wish I was a Net, so I could Catch.
I wish I was a Let, so I could be Let.
I wish I was a Laugh, so I could be Laughed.
I wish I was a Choise, so I could be Chosen.
I wish I was a Guess, so I could be Guessed.
I wish I was a Mind you think with.
I wish I was a Chance you'd take.
I wish I was a Rubber, so I could erase.
I wish I was a Glass, so I could be Broken.
I wish I was a Break, so I could Break.
I wish I was a Scarf on your Neck.
I wish I was a Glove on your Hand.
I wish I was a Thought in your Mind.
I wish I was a Cell you'd be in.
I wish I was a Safe you Lock.
I wish I was a Click you make.
I wish I was a Snick in you.
I wish I was a Lick of Taste.
I wish I was a Blaze you Hold.
I wish I was a Cold, so I could cool you down.
I wish I was a Color you see.
I wish I was a Hand, that is yours.
I wish I was a Shoulder to cry on.
I wish I was a Bullet, so I could be Shot.
I wish I was a Speed, so I could be Speeded Up.
I wish I was a Wish, so I could be wished by You.
I wish I was a Storm outside.
I wish I was a Snow on you.
I wish I was a Cut made by you.
I wish I was a Knife you Are.
I wish I was a ....

I wish I was a Fish.
I wish I was a Dish.
I wish I was a Bird.
I wish I was a Wolf.
I wish I was a Thing.
I wish I was a Chair.
I wish I was a Cat.
I wish I was a Blank.
I wish I was a Book.
I wish I was a Cook.
I wish I was a Crook.
I wish I was a Star.
I wish I was a Leaf.
I wish I was a Pencil.
I wish I was a Brush.
I wish I was a Rush.
I wish I was a Crush.
I wish I was a Hook.
I wish I was a Ship.
I wish I was a Plane.
I wish I was a Claim.
I wish I was a Train.
I wish I was a Way.
I wish I was a Sane.
I wish I was a Gift.
I wish I was a Tree.
I wish I was a Light.
I wish I was a Night.
I wish I was a Cloud.
I wish I was a Dime.
I wish I was a Breath.
I wish I was a Chaos.
I wish I was a Shake.
I wish I was a Snake.
I wish I was a Magic.
I wish I was a Rabbit.
I wish I was a Smile.
I wish I was a While.
I wish I was a Minute.
I wish I was a Blow.
I wish I was a Trust.
I wish I was a Need.
I wish I was a Sleep.
I wish I was a Cup.
I wish I was a Drop.
I wish I was a Rain.
I wish I was a Tame.
I wish I was a Wild.
I wish I was a Child.
I wish I was a Cry.
I wish I was a Try.
I wish I was a Howl.
I wish I was a Owl.
I wish I was a Run.
I wish I was a Stump.
I wish I was a Walk.
I wish I was a Clock.
I wish I was a Lock.
I wish I was a Pinch.
I wish I was a Hint.
I wish I was a Sound.
I wish I was a Crowd.
I wish I was a Noise.
I wish I was a Voice.
I wish I was a Phone.
I wish I was a Stone.
I wish I was a Tide.
I wish I was a Wide.
I wish I was a Spark.
I wish I was a Dark.
I wish I was a Grass.
I wish I was a Word.
I wish I was a Note.
I wish I was a Piece.
I wish I was a Dot.
I wish I was a Lot.
I wish I was a Small.
I wish I was a Push.
I wish I was a Pull.
I wish I was a Door.
I wish I was a Floor.
I wish I was a Fear.
I wish I was a Tear.
I wish I was a String.
I wish I was a Drink.
I wish I was a Hate.
I wish I was a Love.
I wish I was a Stream.
I wish I was a Creek.
I wish I was a Touch.
I wish I was a Mess.
I wish I was a Tack.
I wish I was a Track.
I wish I was a Race.
I wish I was a Morning.
I wish I was a Space.
I wish I was a Dream.
I wish I was a Kick.
I wish I was a Hit.
I wish I was a Call.
I wish I was a Doll.
I wish I was a Crawl.
I wish I was a Jaw.
I wish I was a Net.
I wish I was a Let.
I wish I was a Laugh.
I wish I was a Choise.
I wish I was a Guess.
I wish I was a Mind.
I wish I was a Chance.
I wish I was a Rubber.
I wish I was a Glass.
I wish I was a Break.
I wish I was a Scarf.
I wish I was a Glove.
I wish I was a Thought.
I wish I was a Cell.
I wish I was a Safe.
I wish I was a Click.
I wish I was a Snick.
I wish I was a Lick.
I wish I was a Blaze.
I wish I was a Cold.
I wish I was a Color.
I wish I was a Hand.
I wish I was a Shoulder.
I wish I was a Bullet.
I wish I was a Speed.
I wish I was a Wish.
I wish I was a Storm.
I wish I was a Snow.
I wish I was a Cut.
I wish I was a Knife.
I wish I was a ....