I missed this place.. It's been a while... Guess there has been going on a lot.... A lot stuff, since the school is back.. With the exam bullshit and studies it's hard for me to keep track of anything.. Last week I a had a flu, for like a day or two, but I only went to school for one day. Last two I mostly stayed in bed, on Friday even with my Bf.. We had fun, laughed, watch a movie, talked, kissed, or just sat silently in each others arms.... I still am amazed how I managed to get to this part where I have a boyfriend... As much as I enjoy what we have, and that it seems more than enough, I still fear more and more of loosing Him... O got atached to Him too much... I love Him at as stupid does it sounds - I feel kinda lonelly when he's not around... Texting and all that cyber bullshit only works for so long, at first, but when you get to know each other a lot better, when you hang out more, spend time together - that time apart feels longer and longer by the minute... Why ? Because you want more than just a smiley face on your screen, 'cause you desire to see His eyes when you're talking, you wish you could be in His arms when you're really down and not just read : "I'm sorry. I'm with you. :) " - no, that's not it. You want to feel His arms on your back, gently stroking up and down, calmly... Asking you to stop crying, handing you a napkin to wipe your tears.... Laying down his head on your shoulder, giving you a small peck on the cheek.... Or just giving you a hug..... You want Him to make you smile with his joke, even if it as stupid as it sounds, makes no sense at all, but you still laugh your ass off, because without a reason it's still freakin funny... No matter whether you fight or laugh or have a serious talk - you still want to be with that one person... Because He's the one that picked you from all others around Him... Because He looks at you like there's no one else around, He adores you, smiles when you walk towards him, and get's a bit upset or even angry if you say something stupid about yourself, because he knows you better than you think... It's insane - I know. But You know it's true... You can't explain it, but He's right. And That's the reason You Love Him.... Sometimes you just have to admit there's something more than logic and reason...

--- I wrote this few months back - last year actually... But I still feel the same way... ---

 No matter how much I care for Him, and love Him... I still piss him off a lot... And it's killing me... Why am I such a pain in the ass?.. Why can't I just shut that part of me down and be the girl He loves... I don't want to hurt him... I don't want to make him upset.. But why do I keep doing that?.. He annoys me with his jokes and sometimes it really makes me mad.. But it passes.. I hate it, when he has to leave after I didn't do anything to work things out and then we have to figure out the problem thru texts, which annoys us both.... I'm such a mess... I try to be good, but maybe it's just in my nature to mess things up?. No. I have to be better than this.. I really miss Him.. Even more after our fights... I shouldn't have done what I did... It was our last night... Who knows when we'll get another chance to be just the two of us... I blew it big time... And now I'm just waiting for him to text me, because I don't want to bother him... I'm driving myself crazy... Like that's a surprise... I gotta stop pissing people off with my meltdowns... Especially Him...