When People look at me they usually see anger... But I'm just sad... Sometimes when they are looking at me, they see me as an arrogant bitch because I don't make a single sound... But I'm just a quiet person... Most of the time anyway... Why ? Because I daydream at anytime and anywhere and at those moments I'm usually silent... Why ? Because My Dreams hurts less than The Reality around me... SO next time You see me "angry ar an arrogant bitch" - hold that thought for a sec., and please, think again before making a conclusion out of what you see and just ask : "What's up?" I'll be more than glad to answer : "Nothing much, just dreaming... How about you ?"

'My life is turning upside down, but somehow I managed to stay were I am, or at least turn just by a small small dial...' - That is how I describe changes in my life... Something strange has been going on since the New Year - go figure.... These past three months had been quite akward... The further is going this year - the more I'm believing that those wishes, wich my friends gave me on my 18th B-Day, are seriously coming true... I don't know who else to explane these things wich are happening... I'm not going to list them all here, but something strange in a good way is happening...

Like - I won two competitions I've entered in a row -- that had never happened before, well because I never entered anything before in my life... Next - I decide to go to the Nationals , about wich I have never even thought of participating in... But you know what - I actually enjoyed it, yeah, you can imagine my surprise.... Though I made a stupid, huge mistake... I should've done something the other way around, but I guess I'll just have to live with disappointment, heard it builds character..... So anyway, I got over my fears and took part in the National... Odd, but I managed to make some friends.... I even got a small award, wich I totally haven't expected... Though deep in my heart I was kinda hoping for a medal, a girl can dream, can't she?.... But on second thought - maybe it's just for the best... I had a wonderful opportunity to see the other side of the coin, I met people with similar ideas to mine and I now know what I'm capable of... SO I guess the saying - 'It's never too late' or 'Better late than never' really works for me at this point... I can't help not noticing how I was around other students, I mean, how there was this like a whole new side of me infront of them... Some things I said, I said them on purpose, but some came completely out of nowhere... I know I have this 'talent' but I never thought I could make it useful for me, maybe because I never tried it before... You know, just to let it out and see what happens... I'd really like to think that I CAN change and that I AM changing, I'd really like that, but still I could never allow myself the luxury of doing some things... Like I like to say - There are boundaries for everything and everyone... Though I absolutely must confess - I enjoyed this event more than I could've ever thought... I had fun - that's what matters to me the most... If I would've allowed myself to be draged into the fears cruel and cold arms - I'd probably would not be writing any of this right now... I'm more than glad that I faced this choas in my mind and won the battle...

'I'll see ya...'
Sleep easy
xoxo - T. ;]